Los Angeles Alternative
New Year'/Yours Eve
Cosmo ain’t got nothing on us: Our highly scientific personality quiz picks the perfect New Year’s party for you!
by Lucinda Michele Knapp
Friday, December 23, 2005

(Always nice to be mentioned in the society pages, eh? LA Alternative Society, that is)

2005’s been a hell of a year. If yours was anything like mine, it was filled with the good, the bad, the ugly, and all the confusing and complicated stuff that lies between.

Ah, New Year’s Eve. A lovely evening. Traditionally a time to wonder where the hell all that time went and why you didn’t get anything done, think about how you’re getting older, and wonder about the relationships in your life, all under a boozy haze of vague regret, hoping you’ll make it all work out if you can just corner someone into a smooch at midnight.

Then again, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, it’s true that different folks celebrate the turn of the year with different strokes. The world, and L.A. in particular, is peopled with an awesome variety of personalities, and there’s no end of different ways in which to actually enjoy the holiday. I recall one New Year’s Eve of pathetic capitulation spent dancing on a bar in a sushi-slinging frat-boy bar on Sunset. That’s one for the photo album. There are a few I don’t remember at all but was informed after the fact that I did indeed have a very good time. At least that’s what people said. I’ll let them keep the records on that account. Quite a few years were spent at home watching television and eating leftovers, plus an additional couple years at friends’ parties.

Those varied from fun to extraordinarily uncomfortable. One year I lit off six packages of morning glory sparklers all at once (stupid in hindsight, jaw-droppingly gorgeous at the time)from the roof of a loft downtown, joining the cityscape’s annual rooftop cavalcade of brightly colored combustions and gunshots to the moon. But for most of us, I think, events that mark the passage of time are always bittersweet, tinged with melancholy, and decidedly non-explosive. When I wrote LA Alternative-nominated Cool Guy, Bob Bellerue of Il Corral, to ask him what was happening this year, and he shot back “I can’t stand New Year’s Eve, it always sucks in relation to the hype about it. You could write about that,” I seriously considered the prospect.

But no! Let’s rally! This is a call to Angelenos far and wide to bet on a winning New Year’s party this December 31st-one that’s right for you, one that’ll make it easier to forget all the lame crap that went on this year and will help you focus on the promise of new beginnings-or, at least, will help you get extraordinarily drunk.

To start, it’s important to do a little thoughtful reflection on exactly what kind of person you are, so we can better discern the right event for you. After losing myself for hours doing inane online quizzes and learning what season, book, pin-up character (Bettie Page) and major international city I am (London), I feel capable of parsing you all out into carefully defined population segments. It’s remarkably easy for a genius of psychology like myself. Here we go:

The Quiz:
1 What did you spend your free time doing this year?
A. Blowing stuff up and painting things purple.
B. Kickin’ it at Sabor y Cultura.
C. I totally freaked out over the new work from James Murphy and Bloc Party.
D. Reading, you philistine.
E. Looking for pics of myself on polaroidscene.
F. I have kids.
G. Hitting “send” on moveon.org petitions.
H. Drinking at Mr. T’s and checking the G-loop.
I. Watching a good game on TV and hanging out with friends.

2 What were some of your favorite events this year?
A. Burning Man. Duh.
B. All the stuff at the Cornfield.
C. I did a lot of coke.
D. Going with friends to ironic dive bars.
E. The Rapture show, Tuesdays at Cinespace, and smoking.
F. I have kids.
G. Films at the EPFC and dancing with the Radical Cheerleaders at protests.
H. The Blessing of the Cars, lucha and burlesque shows, and Santa Con.
I. My birthday, getting laid on Halloween, and the Super Bowl.

3 What’s your look?
A Rubber, fur, women’s underwear, and my bunny suit.
B. I got a shirt from Self Help Graphics a while ago.
C. Hair dyed black, fluorescents and stripes, dilated pupils.
D. Goodwill, St. Vincent’s, obscure Japanese accessories.
E. I do those American Apparel ads. You know, the ones with my ass?
F. I have kids.
G. Anti-war sweat-free t-shirts and pins from indy media.org.
H. An old punk T-shirt, jeans, balding, and indefinably cool.
I. I like a classic look, but I also try to keep up with the trends.

4 Where do you go out to eat around L.A.?
A. Barbara’s at the Brewery, s’mores at campfires.
B. Masa, Suehiro, Trader Joe’s, and damn do I miss LunaSol.
C. Eat?
D. The Coffee Table, Café Angelique, Brite Spot.
E. Anywhere that’s open all night.
F. Um, I have kids.
G. Jade Café, Vegan Express and Downbeat Café.
H. I mostly drink.
I. Carls’ Jr. has those really cool ads on Indie 103.1 now.

5 And lastly, what do you like to do for fun?
A. Go to Cannibal Flower shows and Downtown speakeasies.
B. Downtown: Little Tokyo, Chinatown, Olvera Street-there’s so much culture.
C. After school I go to Amoeba and dig up old Daft Punk.
D. “Fun”? That’s so shallow.
E. Drugs.
F. I said I have kids, you asshole! Stop asking me questions!
G. Listen to Noam Chomsky on pirate radio and go to 33 1/3 Books.
H. Watch cult classics, eat a late breakfast at Millie’s, and booze it up at Hank’s.
I. Watch movies, pursue my acting career, and hang out.

The Results
Did all that? Circled your answers and everything? Okay, here’s my highly scientific analysis of your persona, based on your answers to these questions and the conductivity of your skin as calculated by the biofeedback sensors embedded in this newsprint paper:
If you answered mostly A’s, you’re an arty weirdo. Stop touching me.
Mostly B’s means you dig on the alt-multiculti thing L.A. does so well.
C’s: You’re a new-new-waver. You are also annoying.
Mostly D’s: If you hadn’t quit reading this trite pablum already, I’d tell you you’re a moody emo kid.
E: You are a hipster. Stop ignoring me and go smoke outside.
F: You have kids. Surprise! But since you’re reading this paper, you qualify as Supa-Cool ‘Rents. Enjoy! Soon they will grow into teenagers and tell you thatyou suck.
Mostly G’s shows you’re a political greenie.
You H’s, you’re old school Silver Lake militia. Enjoy it. Your turf is disappearing.
If you got I a lot, you are…well…normal. You are the TOP of the bell curve! That’s the highest part of it! Isn’t that awesome!?
Now, I’ve combed through all our fair city has to offer for this New Year’s, and left out all the crappy stuff to bring you, dear reader, the best of the best! Read on and be shocked, stunned and amazed by the sheer staggering variety of things to do!

Arty Extravaganza
If it’s your bag, baby, you’ve probably already heard about it-but if not, Anon Salon and Sea of Dreams’ “Circ-O-Six” promises to be the most weirdly wonderful of L.A.’s New Year offerings this year. Set in the ornate Los Angeles Theater on Broadway with a 1920’s vaudevillian/burlesque theme, the insane geniuses-um, I mean organizers-of many a Burning Man spectacle, various and sundry nouveau-circuses and multimedia sensory assaults have brought together the most jaw-dropping, off-the-beaten-path talent to amuse, titillate and generally freak you out.
Here’s the rundown: Xingolati darlings Lucent Dossier, aerialists, dancers and sideshow performers Cirque Berserk, L.A.’s premiere Mexican wrestling/striptease carnival Lucha Va Voom and the Wau Wau Sisters (Exotic World’s “Best Troupe” of 2005) comprise the main entertainment. For extra oomph, enjoy music from seven different avant-garde DJs, live acts including Alcyone, Helios Jive, DMT and more; plus live art from the Do Lab, Konrad, and Tiffany Trenda; an “Instant Gratification Photo Booth,” and an entire gallery of burlesque-themed artwork. Stilt-walkers, fire performers, contortionists and dancers, comedy and a little (OK, a lot of) T&A-what more could you ask?
How about “affordable?” Well, it comes close: pick up advance tickets for $60 at Benway Records (1600 Pacific Ave., Venice), Brat (1938 14th Street, Santa Monica), or Sea Level Records (1716 West Sunset Blvd.) Trot out your wildest party clothes, your tallest shoes, and your liquid courage (or whatever it takes), as this is sure to be an overwhelming night. Feed the cat before you leave-you may not get back ’til morning.
Sea of Dreams and Anon Salon’s Cirk-O-Six. The Los Angeles Theater, 615 South Broadway, Los Angeles.

Go for sure: Arty Weirdos, Silver Lake Militia.
Don’t get near with a ten-foot-pole: No one. I think y’all can find something to enjoy here.
Go if you want something different: Supa-Cool ‘Rents (one word: babysitter), Moody Emo Kids.
Rock {en espanol} out

L.A. has a vibrant community of cumbia and vallenato bands that are poised to break; the group Very Be Careful has (along with Slowrider) a particularly long history in town. If you’ve never found yourself dancing at one of their shows, this may be the night: V.B.C. plays a New Year’s Eve concert at the 1160 Lounge in the Hollywood Ramada Inn. While the venue may sound dubious, the banda is definitely not: Very Be Careful has played with Alfredo Gutierrez, Antibalas, Ozomatli, Joe Strummer (who asked them to open for each night of his Troubadour residency a few years back), Carlos Vives and the Kronos Quartet. They’ve played irresistible shows from SXSW and Sunset Junction to Central Park’s Summer Stage and the Fuji Rock Festival in Japan. Their trademark “instant dance party” has appeared from the K-town underworld to Greenpoint rooftops, across the East River or deep into Echo Lake, with no one left sitting. While some might assume a Colombian folk group to lack crossover potential, just check out the Korean grandmas, the indie rockers and the hip-hop kids all getting their multicultural grooves on.

Very Be Careful w/ DJs Danny Holloway, Legion, & LAV8. 10 p.m. (V.B.C. goes on at midnight.) An el cheapo $10 gets you the most party for your buck. Ramada Inn, 1160 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles.
Go, man, go!: Alt-Multicultis.
You probably won’t get it: Normies.
Go if you wanna mix things up: New New-Wavers.

Mind the Gap
Like your New Year’s with a Eurotrash dance party thrown in? Oh, perfect! Rock out all your dark disaffection to electroclash,’80s, dancepunk, mod and indie-pop at the Echo, where “Club Underground” will be hosted by the former Tejano bar the Nayarit. Groom your artful hair in the mirrored walls, smoke with a thousand other people on the back patio and dance like the kids in the Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon-they dance real cool. This promises to be an outstanding party for those who like to rock. Drinks here ain’t too cheap, but they’re strong, and you’ve probably got a trust fund anyhow. DJs from Club Underground, Club Bang, Par Avion and Hang the DJ will spin your fav obscure disco; live performances by the Adored and the Mojo Filters keep it real. Depending, of course, on your definition of “real” under the Echo’s fluorescent raspberry, blue and acid green dance floor lighting. All-night classic L.A. diner The Brite Spot is almost next door, for those of you who actually plan to eat that night. Ha! Hahaha! $10 presale, $12 at the door.

Club Underground with The Adored and Mojo Filters, The Echo, 1822 Sunset Blvd., Echo Park. (213) 413-8200.
Abso-fricken’-lutely: New New-Wavers.
Stay the hell away: Silver Lake Militia.
Go if you want a change: Political Greenies.

Cheer Up Emo Kid
Yeah, cheer up. The Bigfoot Lounge may be a bit grating with its overdose of North Woods décor and the heads of ironically dead animals on the wall, but a little atmosphere never hurt anyone, and you’re the type to appreciate all that attention to detail. Plus, there’s even more attention to detail in the ‘Foot’s plans for the night: stand with the hoi polloi for a 10 dollah cover, or shell out $150 for a reserved booth, guaranteed admission for eight, and a bottle of champagne. For the hassle-free entry and a reserved spot to plant your skinny ass it’s worth the price, and you could use the special treatment: you’ve had a rough year, haven’t you? And the pine-tinged half-light is perfect for you to gaze adoringly at that cute guy or girl across the room without them ever noticing. The Bigfoot’s stable of outstanding record wranglers ensure you’ll be able to enjoy all the obscure music you have in your milk crates at home, plus some stuff you haven’t heard yet, making it a can’t-miss.

The Bigfoot Lodge, 3172 Los Feliz Blvd., Los Feliz. (323) 662-9227. Call for booth reservations.
For a good time, go: Moody Emo Kids.
Not for a million bucks: Political greenies might have an aneurysm after seeing the deer heads.
To try something new: Normal people, - Alt-Multicultis.

Too Cool For School
If you can decipher the utterly insane post on Dim Mak Records’ Web-site, you’re probably made for this party: “Smell Ya Later 2005,” featuring live performances by The Warlocks, Living Things, and sexy-ass mofos The Icarus Line, plus a secret guest. DJ’s include Robert from BRMC, artist and designer Shepard Fairey, Steve Aoki/Kid Millionaire, Elhaam (aadVICE), and more. Get smashed and look sexy with free Rolling Rock, Sparks, and Vitamin Water all night long. Organized by Puma, Dim Mak, aadVICE, Little Radio and the Cobrasnake. (That means make sure to be camera-ready, ladies, and wear something low-cut.) I’m not cool enough to go to this, but you are. Plus it’s at one of L.A.’s most interesting new venues, the home of littleradio.org.

Smell Ya Later 2005, at the Little Radio Warehouse, 1218 Long Beach Ave., Los Angeles, near Alameda and Olympic. $10; pre-sale tix at dimmak.com and littleradio.org, and at Sea Level. $20 at the door.

Like, awesome, man: - Hipsters.
Go if you like to suffer: No one in particular, although Supa-Cool ‘Rents and Political Greenies-who have big, grown-up priorities-may find the vibe sucky.
Go to switch things up: New-New-Wavers will find a place to dance and stand around looking cool.
Got Offspring?

Hit up the 1st Annual Kidspace Winter Wonderland with the rugrats and experience the holiday anew through the wide eyes of your adorable itty bitty ones. Bond while making your own edible snowflake at the Mini Iron Chef Stuffed Snowflakes Challenge, December 27th and 29th, at noon and 1 p.m. A guest chef from Wolfgang Puck Catering will provide guidance and ingredients during this cooking challenge for children ages 5 and above. Space will be limited, so come early to request tickets, available in the Kidspace Nature Exchange. On December 31st, the New Year will be celebrated with a kid-friendly Noon Year’s Eve, including a countdown to 12-noon, a giant balloon drop and a sparkling apple cider toast. During the 1st annual Winter Wonderland, December 26th-January 8th, celebrate the magic of the season with real snowmaking, a spectacular light display and more taking place daily. A complete schedule is at www.kidspacemuseum.org.

Kidspace Children’s Museum is open daily from 9:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tix, $8 for children and adults (infants under 1 and Members are free). Kidspace, 480 N. Arroyo Blvd., in Brookside Park, Pasadena
Hit it up: Supa-Cool ‘Rents
Not if you value your sanity: New-New-Wavers will find their hair mussed here.
Check it out for the novelty: Anyone who wants a reminder about things that don’t change with the passage of years.

Party For Peace
The New Year’s Eve Comedy Bush Bash and Dance Party for Peace is an activist-oriented party featuring stand-up comedians Rick Overton, Charlie Hill, Denise Munro-Robb and David Zasloff. Dance the night away to live music with popular peace rockers Playing in Traffic. Other special guest performers will include “singer-songfighter” Ross Altman and performance poet Linda Albertano. There will also be a “Midnight Peace Ceremony” to welcome in the New Year. The party host will be peace activist Jerry Rubin, who proudly notes that this special year-end progressive peace party has been awarded the “George W. Bush Seal of Disapproval.” Admission is $30, $20 if you’re broke from donating to Greenpeace. It includes an all-you-can-eat buffet, complimentary champagne and free reserved parking. Proceeds will benefit the Alliance for Survival peace and environmental group.
Starts at 7 p.m. The Church in Ocean Park is located at 235 S. Hill Street, Santa Monica.
(310) 399-1000.

In solidarity: Political Greenies.
Boycott it: Moody Emo Kids will not find their ennui relieved.
Go for cred and event diversity: Hipsters.

New Year, Old School
Most of you old-guard Silver Lakers are probably hitting up the Sea of Dreams. You like art ‘n’ stuff. But if that just seems like too much trouble, you can go and get your drink on at Spaceland, where Circle Jerk Kevin Fitzgerald deejays, L7 frontwoman Donita Sparks rocks out solo, San Fran’s Alternative Tentacles band Turn Me On Dead Man delivers Beatles-tinged, psych-space rock, and Velvet Hammer/Bricktops darling Mr. Uncertain provides a wonky mix of ’20s jazz, punk rock and glam. There’ll be a complimentary champagne toast at midnight. When a new year seems to be just too much too fast, slow up a bit in the womb-like bar, have a cigarette in the smoke tank in the back and play a game of pool or three. As we all know, time somehow slows down at Spaceland. My guess is there’s a time warp somewhere near the Galaga machine.

Spaceland, 1717 Silver Lake Blvd., Silver Lake. (323) 661-4380. 9 p.m., $10 presale, $12 at the door.

Get a ticket in the lot in the alley behind 7-11: Old-school Silver Lake Militia, Supa-Cool ‘Rents
Just keep driving: No one. This’ll be a comfy event for all.
Try it for shits ‘n’ giggles: Hipsters. You must chill.

Easy Listening
Spaceland may be hosting a Circle Jerk, but there’s a bigger one they’re helping to put on Downtown. The umpteenth annual New Year’s Giant Village will take place in downtown L.A., closing streets, pissing off loft-dwellers and freaking out psychotic crack addicts. But it’s not all bad: indie easy-listeners Death Cab for Cutie will play, along with decidedly less-easy Black Eyed Peas (every time I overhear that “My Humps” song it’s like watching a car crash). Possibly also worth it will be performances by the Flaming Lips, Junior Senior, Z-Trip, Junkie XL, and spectacle-pyros the Mutaytor. There’ll also be carnival rides, a ferris wheel and some really expensive fireworks.
Wilshire Blvd. in Downtown. For tickets, visit www.giantvillage.com. $80.

Made for you: Normies.
Hell no: Moody Emo Kids.
Go for laughs: Hipsters and Arty Weirdos, unleash your inner e-tard.